Sunday, November 7, 2010

I found this article/blog on stumble upon..

Live What You Love: 50 Questions to Ask Yourself

How do you really feel about what you are doing right now at this exact moment?
What is your fondest childhood memory? Who was there? What was going on?
How comfortable are you in your home?
How comfortable are you in your town/city? State?
What kind of weather do you like?
Do you believe you can have your cake and eat it, too? Why or why not?
What is one quality about your parent(s) that you really loved?
What is one quality about your parent(s) that you really do not like?
Do you like what you are doing for money?
What do you feel is your greatest skill?
What do you feel is your greatest personality trait?
Do you feel like anything in your life is holding you back from ultimate joy? List everything.
Write a paragraph or two about your ideal weekend/time away from work. Include location, sights, smells, food, activities, and people.
How close are you in proximity to the people you absolutely adore the most?
What do you want out of life?
How do you think people will remember you, when you die?
How do you want people to remember you, when you die?
Write your epitaph - the sentence you would want to appear on your grave.
What is one thing you could do today, this week, this month, or this year to get a step closer to creating the legacy in #17?
How do you feel about your home furnishings?
Do you have a hobby that you like to do but you don’t get paid for? What is it?
Does money hold you back from anything? What does it hold you back from? Be very specific.
What do you think of passionate people?
Do you know anyone who you feel is living their dream? Who? What do they do all day and night? Be very specific.
Do you think you can be completely satisfied living where you do right now?
What do you want to accomplish?
Do you want to change your career?
Do you wish you lived closer to a certain someone or group of people?
Do you wish you lived in a foreign country or a far away state?
What are three things that you do everyday that make you totally happy?
What do you want to pass on to your children?
What is something you have never tried but would like to?
Are there things in life you wish you could reverse or make right?
Do you feel like you have enough money to live the way you want to?
Are you happy when you think about the upcoming day and all that it comes with?
What do you find challenging?
What do you find thrilling?
What are three memories you haven’t yet created but you would like to?
Do you feel energized when you work?
Do you feel creative when you work?
Describe what you consider work, and what you consider play. What are the differences?
Do you feel blessed or lucky to wake up each day? How can you get to that point?
If all of your debt was forgiven tomorrow, and you had a completely clean slate, what is the very FIRST thing you would change about your life?
Where are three places you have always thought about living but never did?
When do you want to retire?
Is there an award or accolade you have always dreamed of winning or being recognized for?
If you could learn how and money was not an issue, is there anything else you would do for work besides what you are doing now? Be specific.
List three things you would immediately change about your work day if you were the boss (assumes you are not the boss).
List three things you would immediately start doing on the weekends if you had the money.
Imagine it is a big holiday and you are with your loved ones and you are living what you truly love. When they ask what you have been doing, what do you say in reply?

i feel like these are questions that we don't ask ourselves everyday, but make up every aspect of who we are as people. so many qts, so many answers.

Monday, September 27, 2010


I'm struggling, more than I can explain, more than I can tell any one person I am currently near with out making them feel like their helping contribute to my struggle. More than I can tell any one person at home with out making myself want to go home more than I already do.

Why can't I just be OK with myself? Why does my constant struggle with myself, always result in somebody else's actions bringing out that doubt I have in myself.

Why don't the people who I have the highest expectations in have the same in me?

I want something to be reciprocated. Just once. I know people try to give me the same I give to others, and I don't reciprocate it to them, and I guess I know how they feel, but I just want for once, for someone to feel about me the exact way I feel about them, and if they do, tell me, cos I surely tell them.

There were so many I's in that last paragraph, and essentially this is about me, and my insecurities, but any person is lying when they tell you they don't care what others think about them. But for as many I's I have typed, I still feel like I'm giving far more than I receive.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

it's a process.

I spent the last 2 nights, stressing, out of my mind stressing, about things that, will happen in the future, things in the near future, things in the not so near future, things I want to do, things I want to be good at. But mostly about things that I can't change, which I hate, I hate when things change and they're not on my terms, and I'm not ready for them. Mostly my relationships with people, I feel like I can only be at peace with a change if I'm the one making the change, which is completely fucking ridiculous don't you think? I do.

I've been in America for just over 3 months, I'm travelling on my own at the moment which I guess gives me an unnecessary amount of time to think without interruption. I already know I want to go back to Calumet next year.
But it's not 100% of the friends that I made, next year, it's because now I feel like I can make these kids lives better, I've never felt like I could enhance somebodies life, or change it to be better, it wasn't something that I even thought about doing.

Until Worcester, I can safely say that Worcester changed my outlook on life, and I am so thankful that I got given the opportunity that were the the 2 most rewarding and challenging weeks of my life. It taught me things that will always be appropriate, and has made me a better and more thankful person.

It's amazing how old/young I feel simultaneously, when the people I choose to surround myself with are 18 years old, & the job we're both doing now, I could have been doing the same job, 6 years ago, and they would have been the campers, that freaks me out, that puts me on a completely different brainwave to them. The way they grew up, the things they liked, the fads they went through? Being from a different country also contributes to that I guess. And I find myself giving them this advice, that apparently I've learnt in the years I am their senior. But the things that concerned me, when I was 18, its still there, if not worse, the uncertainty is there more than ever, because as you get older, you know what you DON'T want. Which makes it hard for me, because I'm not sure what I do want.

So I get these, odd freak out moments, when someone will say what they were doing 6 years ago, and it was watching Nickelodeon or being a Unit 2 camper, and I'm like, well shit, I was out getting drunk and seeing bands.

But then I sit there, for hours, on a bus with Amy Terkelsen, and she gives me the confidence, and gives me every piece of emotional support I need, she tells me I know exactly how to make her feel better, and put perpective on a situation, but she does it too. I don't know how, but she puts everyone around her at ease, and I kinda wish she could see that about herself.

I sit in a basement with Matt Ripley every night for hours and we talk about our own insecurities as people, what stops us from being the people we really want to be, and then we talk about music, and what we love and why we love it, this kid is ageless to me, I could be having the exact same conversation with Paul Or Ash Or Ally Or Jo.

I spend 5 weeks being co's with Bessie Steinberg, one of the smartest people I know, who KNOWS what she wants, she's got the brains to do it, yet like all of us is still confused about exactly where her life is headed, the difference is, she' SO much stronger than she can possibly see, and I know for a fact I couldn't deal the way she does.

Gwen Straeffer? Has determination that I can't say I saw in anyone when I was her age, she uses what she has, and if she needs more she goes out and finds it, she wants to achieve for others just as much as she wants to achieve for herself, and I think sometimes that's her down fall. But people have faith in her & they trust her to be herself, which luckily is an amazing things.

Claire Petchler, is wiser than I am. And I don't even fucking know how. Nothing that comes out of that girls mouth is what an 18 year old should be saying realistically. She's going to go far, and at least I can say I was there for some of the ride. The thing that makes Claire who she is, is that at least once a day, you see a little bit of Claire's shell being peeled back, she's opening her eyes, and seeing the world for what she wants to see it as, not how she's been taught to see it. And I love those moments.

This wasn't suppose to be about individuals, but It's kind've hard when you're thrown into a life situation where you're forced to know the ups and downs of the people you work with. And for the most part, there aren't many downs, they're given a job, which forces them to be adults who make the right decisions. And I think that's why it freaks me out when I realise I'm 24, because they're all on my page. And I guess I wish I just had a couple spare years up my sleeve so I don't feel so rushed in doing the things I think I'm suppose to do. Right now I feel like im 21-22, because, honestly, I don't remember where the rest of the years went.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

It's a cliche to say it, but the older I get the less I realise I know. I hear myself talking to others sometimes, with authority, like what I'm saying Is helpful and enhance their lives, and even if that were true, I still know not a lot about where my life is headed. People tell me that that's ok, I met this lady on the bus the other day, and she told me from talking to me that paths will always present themselves to me, I hope she's right, because I'm not always sure what paths to take.

Monday, June 21, 2010

En route to Camp as we speak, on some swish greyhound bus (i know who'da thunk it). Can't wait, well i have been waiting for 10 months to go back! and the day has come, thankyou to everyone who listened to me whinge for the last 7 months hahaha.

I just had the most amazing week in NYC, like I think one of my favourite weeks of travelling ever. I stayed with Frannie, and spent alot of time walking around the lower east side and west side, and a lot of time in different parts of Brooklyn. Williamsburg is one of my favourite places, I'll admit its full of hipsters, but I would totally live there, it has everything I could want, hot boys (ha), alternative eating options (lol) amazingggg music, cool bars, and an AMAZING view of Manhattan.

I took the above photo from a friend of frannie's rooftop, of her apartment complex, I had an epiphany while i was up there, I'm so fucking lucky and sooo fortunate that i have these opportunities to do this. That I'm allowed to.

Been thinking about my uncle Brendan a lot as well, while i was getting ready to jet off and have an amazing time, he passed away, the funeral was 2 days after i left, and im so so sad i couldnt go, he had a really bad last few years, noone really deserves that much bad luck if you ask me, he was a battler and a fighter and he has my ultimate ans true respect for fighting as long as he did, now you can relax uncle brendan, rest in peace, i hope youre somewhere amazing, actually i know it.

ok i think im done. peace for a while

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Fuel for thought.

So I booked my flights. I'm going to be gone from June 15th - November 29th. 5.5 months, It keeps getting longer and longer each time.. I'm working my freaking ass off right now trying to get there, sometimes its really difficult to see the illumination at the end of the tunnel. Something that you know you're working so hard towards, but you get so lost in the dark. I know what its for, but when i bring my head up for a breathe of air, it's just so hard.

I'm so glad I've given myself something to work towards because I know I need to do it.
I'm a strange creature, I've come to realise as of late, that the main reason i do things, is because I'm DYING to do them. And then when i'm actually there experiencing it, i take it for granted, absolutely. And i do it because i don't want to say i had the opportunity and didn't take it, or did make the opportunity for myself. And other things that I'm amazed people do, and I'm jealous and happy for them and all that, i know if i was doing them, I'd just be like, yeah this is life, so what? hahaha.

I'm so fucking ridiculously excited about camp, I miss everyone sooo much. And i'm going to spontaneously com-bust when i see them.

57 days & counting.


Thursday, March 18, 2010

Fuel for thought.

A few things have been bugging me lately, just about the the world and society in general.
When did we become a society that cares more about the rich then we do the poor, more to the point, what the rich are doing with their money.

When did we put people on a pedestal who DON'T deserve to be there? why must we know every facet of their lives? Where they go, what they do, who they're with?

And more importantly why, when we do have someone good in our faces, do we tear them to fucking shreds? why are we always looking for something bad they're hiding, something they did wrong, something to tarnish them? I can say it doesn't make me feel good about myself when i find out that Tiger Woods has monogamy issues, I get no satisfaction from it. And im sure his wife didn't either.

Why do I live in a society that lies, just because someone is in the media, it doesn't mean they are there because they want attention, (even though, i'm sure a lot of the time it is), but sometimes people want to follow they're dreams and do the things they love, and that brings them attention. Is it so terrible, they don't want you to know every detail about them.

I don't feel comfortable being in a world where people get more attention for being 'socialites', then for having artistic merit, writing an amazing song in a basement, writing one UNFORGETTABLE lyric in a song. Writing a book with a quote people can guide their lives on. A photograph that drives you to achieve your goals.
When did Paris Hilton's hand bag line... or her puppy dog become more important, than living a life that you yourself can be proud of? Why don't we care about that? When did our society stop having heart? Why am I a minority?

It might be tabloids that do it. But WE FUEL IT. We buy the magazines, we talk about it, we believe it, we judge by it. And it's a load of shit. Every person i know, would want a fairer go than being judged on the front of a mazazine.

I think I'm done.. and If you've read this, i hope its fuel for thought.