I'm surrounded by some pretty freaking amazing people in my life. It's such a nice feeling to know that you will be missed. I was so worried last time that noone would miss me, and slowly i cared less about that.

This time im going to leave for 5 months with the feeling that people i see pretty much almost everyday of my life, are going to miss me, and they would rather I stayed then left, and thats such a lovely feeling to have. I am so open about how i feel about people i love, it's amazing to have it given back.

I can't wait to go to the grand canyon, and see vegas, and go back to san diego, and go back to NYC.

I'm leaving really soon, and im super excited :) I think that its coming @ a good time, cos work is slowly wearing me down, I'm slowly not being able to get through a whole day without getting really frustrated or upset. So i'll go away then be sweeeet when i come back.

I'm at the point where, i know i should be excited, but im just sad about the new frienships im leaving behind, and the old ones too, but i guess theyve stood the test of time before. I know im going to have an amazing time, and I'm going to come home and everything will be fine. But i always find a nice spot for myself somewhere then the need to mess it up.

Friday night is the Transurban 5 year party, we're hired a hotel room, and its going to be siiiick. Havent had an awesome night out in sooo long, and so many of my fave people at the moment will be there. SO i think it will be a fantastic opportunity to party it up, and spend som QT with people i love before i leave.


mishhhhhhhhhhhhx

you're my hero.

Thankyou for instilling everything good i have in me, I dont think i show it enough, but i love you more than anyone on this planet, and i hope someday i can give you to what you've given to me. Loving unconditionally, no matter how stubborn or selfish i am, sacrificing your happiness to make me and louise happy, and never telling us we couldnt do something. Allowing me to be the person i want to be and never questioning me on it, just allowing me to follow my passions and instincts & always listening and supporting, never judging.

You're my hero, and you deserve the world. i hope one day i can give it to you.

xxxx

Places I have encountered...

hoping to make north america a little more green over the next few months..

...........

I feel like I'm in this contemplative mood, where I need to find the answers to everything that i can't get out of my head. But when I get like this I know I can't find the answers, and probably won't, hence why they're bothering me.

All those worldly questions I have about myself, and those around me. I guess I kinda just gotta get used to it rather then trying to 'solve the problem'.

cast your demons aside..

Will i ever get to a point where I will stop using lack of confidance to change my situation? I feel like its an excuse I use to stop myself from feeling vulnerable or beinf at risk of rejection?

Will i ever care enough about myself TO change my situation and become the person I want to be? I dont know who that person is, but this person is scared, this person is scared that she wont have an excuse to hide behind when she does make a change? What if things still dont work out? what excuse will i have to hide behind then.

I have so many people around me that love me for who i am. But it's not enough, maybe thats the reason, that noone demands I change, and maybe thats the problem maybe im far too comforable.

bayside - demons

You could never really win
not to say you're born to lose
you were born to take 10th place out of 20 in the field
mistakes flow through your veins in a mediocre way

your life's a living hell
you've got gremlins in your blood cells
and monsters in your bed
their haunting you again
oh it must be this place at least thats what you say, say, say

you don't love you anymore
cast your demons aside
keep them close enough to know what your running from
soon you wont feel this anymore
cast your demons aside
keep them close enough to know that your moving on

the fire used to burn
in your heart and in your eyes
you used to dream you used to care you used to love you used to fight
for anything at all
you cover up your bedroom wall with who u want to be
now your afraid to be yourself so u search the mall for something else
You read magazines and watch MTV
you practiced it and everything
oh your dressed to impressed but you look like a drag queen

you don't love you anymore
cast your demons aside
keep them close enough to know what your running from
soon you wont feel this anymore
cast your demons aside
keep them close enough to know that your moving on

so keep your head up high
stretch inches into miles
because Brooklyn wasn't built in just a day
focus on important things
be your own gun like every ghost that held you down was gone
keep them close enough to know that your moving on

you don't love you anymore
cast your demons aside
keep them close enough to know what your running from
soon you wont feel this anymore
cast your demons aside
keep them close enough to know that your moving on

FYI

Do you know what really infuriates me, when people assume I care more than I fucking do.
I don't need anything from you and I don't expect anything from you, so if you needed to insist that we be good friends again, you need to not act like i'm one of your needy fucking 19 year old girlfriends ok? I'm genuine, and I'm friends with you for the right reasons.

I ask nothing of you accept you be a good person to me, and might i just add the amount of resentment I would have held for you if this were 2 years ago, is much much less now.

I like to think that I'm a bigger person than this, and that you didn't hurt me, but I cant detach myself from my emotions entirely. So I'm going to go back into my shell a little more, the shell that made me realise how delluded you are about your life and the awesome person you think you are.
And step away from the instance where i have expectation in you.

I'm sorry i'll try not to do it again.

a new era in blogging...

So apparently LJ doesn't cut it with the cool kids anymore... either that or i got really sick of itand felt like a fresh start!!

So I guess this is where my rantings will be laid to rest, for you to observe and do with what you will.

It kinda freaks me out how many mediums i use on the internet that do EXACTLY the same thing, yet someone how i find a way to validate each and everyone of them in my life hahaha...Myspace (dont especially use it, but its there), Facebook, Twitter... pretty sure I can do exactly the same things on everyone of those yet still choose to use them all... and now this. It feels like the more i discuss my life, then it must just be REALLY important... hey everyone, THIS IS WHAT I DID/THIS IS WHAT IM DOING... and if you didn't catch my life's most recent headline on Facebook go check it on on Twitter, cos i put it there too!

Not even entirely sure why i do it though, i guess im just fascinated by the novelty of technology, and the fact people can know what im going most of the time if they choose to and i know what theyre doing in 140 characters or less. I think i should probably be more freaked out by the amount of information i share over the internet, but for some reason I'm not... you''ll all hear about it when someone steals my identity tho. I work with a girl who uses a FALSE name because she thinks someone is going to hunt her down and stab her for not putting through a Citylink day pass a day late... I just like the idea that you can feel close to anyone in the world with technology, its bridges the gaps in communication, yet stilts them because it causes you to become lazy with people who are close by.

Wow somehow this turned into some media essay i never planned on writing.

That was my first post....tune in soon for something far more interesting (i hope)

mishhhhhhh