Fuel for thought.

A few things have been bugging me lately, just about the the world and society in general.
When did we become a society that cares more about the rich then we do the poor, more to the point, what the rich are doing with their money.

When did we put people on a pedestal who DON'T deserve to be there? why must we know every facet of their lives? Where they go, what they do, who they're with?

And more importantly why, when we do have someone good in our faces, do we tear them to fucking shreds? why are we always looking for something bad they're hiding, something they did wrong, something to tarnish them? I can say it doesn't make me feel good about myself when i find out that Tiger Woods has monogamy issues, I get no satisfaction from it. And im sure his wife didn't either.

Why do I live in a society that lies, just because someone is in the media, it doesn't mean they are there because they want attention, (even though, i'm sure a lot of the time it is), but sometimes people want to follow they're dreams and do the things they love, and that brings them attention. Is it so terrible, they don't want you to know every detail about them.

I don't feel comfortable being in a world where people get more attention for being 'socialites', then for having artistic merit, writing an amazing song in a basement, writing one UNFORGETTABLE lyric in a song. Writing a book with a quote people can guide their lives on. A photograph that drives you to achieve your goals.
When did Paris Hilton's hand bag line... or her puppy dog become more important, than living a life that you yourself can be proud of? Why don't we care about that? When did our society stop having heart? Why am I a minority?

It might be tabloids that do it. But WE FUEL IT. We buy the magazines, we talk about it, we believe it, we judge by it. And it's a load of shit. Every person i know, would want a fairer go than being judged on the front of a mazazine.

I think I'm done.. and If you've read this, i hope its fuel for thought.

eweoe

I just found this in my LJ all the live acts ive seen up until end of 2006..
wonder if i can think of all the bands ive seen since then?

2003
Good Charlotte
Sum41
New found glory
The Juliana Theory

2004
Hot water music
Thrice
Alkaline Trio
Brand New
Alexisinfire
Sparta
Most Precious Blood
Machinehead (sound check only haha)
Ash

(ill think of more, haha shit someone help me out, i didnt write this years shows down)

2005
Champion
Comeback Kid
Terror
Beastie Boys
Hatebreed x 2
Rise Against x 4 ( 2 bdo tour, 2 toc)
Slipknot
The Donnas
Le Tigre
System Of A Down
Good Charlotte
Madball
Shadows Fall
As i Lay dying
Breed 77
Dillenger Escape Plan
Strung Out x 4
Useless ID x 5
Strike Anywhere
Sommerset
Atreyu x 2
Norma Jean x 2
Unearth x 2
Throwdown
Anberlin
Crowned King x 2 (ew)
Team Sleep
Alexisonfire
18 Visions
Shai Hulud
On Broken Wings
Reel Big Fish
Goldfinger
Millencolin
Killswitch Engage x 2
Funeral For A Friend x 2
Story Of the Year x 2
The used x 2
Betrayed
Internal Affairs
Champion
Less than Jake
My Chemical Romance
Jimmy Eat World
Greenday
From Autumn To Ashes
Seether


2006
Against Me!
Fort Minor
Pmoney (hahaha)
Alkaline Trio
Eisley
Taking Back Sunday
Houston Calls
Yellowcard
Coheed & Cambria
My Awesome Compilation
Fightstar
Funeral For A Friend
UPDATED
Hatebreed
Darkest Hour
As I Lay Dying
MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK YAY
MC Lars (haha)
Death By Stereo x 2 (Come Together & Strung Out Side show)
Some Girls
Strung Out x 2
Pennywise
Hawthorne Heights
The Bleeders
36 Crazyfists fukk yehh
Madball
Panic! @ The Disco
Taste Of Chaos - Anti-Flag, Taking Back Sunday, Saosin, Underoath, Thursday
Unearth
Killswitch Engage
Lamb Of God
Caliban
A Wilhelm Scream
Less Than Jake
edit:
Rise against

Sometimes life can be SO overwheling that i just want to cry and scream til i have no voice left.

Nobody said life was easy & no body said I was perfect. SO GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK.

So I thought I'd update this thing once more before i went home, because I'm almost certain I won't do it for long time.

Today was amazing, we went to this beach called Piha, about an hour or so away from where we are staying at Nik's. It was an amazing drive, I'm so glad I live so close to such amazing things, we went to a beautiful place called Titirangi, a little town with a cafe that had delicious coffee, picturesque views from the long and winding road which took us to Piha. We stopped off at a visitors center which allowed us to see above the Waitakere Ranges, such dense forest nothing like I have ever seen in my life.
It made me want to stay in Auckland but also made me feel bad for not enjoying my time here this time last.
Piha is gorgeous. Nothing there except for a surf life saving club, and a little store which sold sodas and stuff. Total beach mentality, surfers there waiting for the perfect wave, it made me want to throw all my cares away and live the easy life.
It was rainy and then sunny and then muggy and the weather couldn't make up its mind, but it didn't matter because the drive so lovely.

We came back babes came to hang out, and John came over shortly after, he made the effort to clear things up with us, as we were quite uncertain as to where he was at since he moved back, I didn't get to see him as much as a liked, but now that he's made an effort to help us understand what he was going through once he moved back, I feel like i'm going to get more of an opportunity to miss him rather than just resent things has hasn't done since he's come home.

Our flight is at 6:30am, and I am sad to leave, as we've all become such better friends with Jono because he pretty much has been hanging out with us for the last week, he's been a friend to us that maybe others should have been. He's showed us a hospitality and generosity that we really couldn't have asked for, he has amazing parents, we went over for dinner one night and they're such lovely people, with such an open mind, with open ears and willingness to know you and learn about you and what is important to you, I can see why he is the way he is.

In the last week, I've been able to get over my issues and had an AMAZING time, I've got some pretty amazing people in my life, who are able to help me, and we're able to help each other get through hard points in our lives.

Nana Charl passed away 2 days ago, her passing away has really impacted me, in the fact that she was such a strong woman who brought her family to Australia for a better life, she has created such a loving family around her and it has shown in her time of need. They will be there for each other to appreciate the life she created here, and get each other through it.

But for now i need to go home, and concentrate on getting back to the states.
xx

I haven't written in this thing for about 6 months, mainly cos I'm lazy. I'm in New Zealand at the moment with Ash and Erryn, Been spending a lot of time Babes B & Cam.
It strange how our minds work huh? A part of my personality that I didn't even know existed has come out in this trip that i absolutely HATE. A part of me that I wasn't even a aware of, I thought I was able to deal with my self loathing in a way that it only effected me, apparently thats not true at all, you'll be delighted to hear that I am now able to project my hatred and self loathing for myself onto other people as well, alienate my friends and make myself have a miserable time in the process.

This is a joint effort, i mean i didn't create this feeling for myself, it was there, and it just enveloped in my mind. And i made it worse.
I need to figure out WHY all i let my do is self sabotage myself. There is something inside me that needs to get me out of this self depracation, a punch in the face, a hug, or i NEED to change. I have so much growing to do this year, i need to become the person i want to be, because it is NEVER enough, for me or for anyone.

I've been hella camp sick lately, I feel kinda guilty on this trip also, just cos i know I have been sitting around spending my money and paying back my parents the money I owe them. I will get it done, this i know, because this is what I'm good at. I will save enough money so everyone is happy and i can do what i Love. Now I've returned home and know that I have no ambitions here, I need to figure out what they are, and where they are. So that I'm not 40 and going to Uni because i was never settled enough to do it when i was 20.

It's a hard place to be, I wish i was just happy with small things, repetitive menial things like most people, but at the same time im so thankful i have the mind i do, because there is so much out there to see and discover and fall in love with!

xx

So since being here, we haven't done an awful lot to be honest, so much sleeping and sitting around and watching TV, I feel like I'm suppose to feel bad cos I'm in another country and I don't wanna do anything, but I don't i worked my ass off to get here, then i worked my ass off for kids for 9 weeks! and I've been on the go being a tourist for the last almost month. I'm just too lazy to to wanna go be a tourist in Chicago, it's not like we've done nothing, we went into town one day, we to see billy talent on the 16th, which was pretty sweet, Louise got us tix and even though i don't like them all that much but the support bands were pretty sweet! and we got to go to the metro in Chicago which is a tidy little venue, a bit like the HiFi bar but smaller and not as hot hehe.

Then we were gonna go into town on the 17th, but i went and got my tattoo instead, yay! One of Matt's friends who's a tattooist in the next town over did it for me, I payed $200, which is what i paid for my feets tatts lol oops. I've wanted it for a long time! now i just have to get used to it being there! I feel like i should have thought it hurt more, but maybe i just have a high tolerance for pain? hahaha

Then last night we went to see the chicago white sox vs the kansas city royals, the sox lost 0-10, so it was fairly uneventful for the sox. We went back to Matt&Kristiana's after the game and hung out then headed home. That brings us up to date, going to a open mic night Matt is running tonight, so that should be good :) and probably going into town tomorrow.

I think another factor about being here is, I feel like I'm in some rut, I've been looking forward to Ash and Paul coming for SO freaking long and now that its only three days away I'm kinda over it and just want it to be here already... we were totally excited about it, now we're all just over them not being here yet!!...

I THINK IM DONE MOANING. BLOG Y'ALL SOON
mishhhhhhhhhhhx

So Sept 5th was the last time i updated hey? Well in that time my laptop internet stopped working, yay for vista.

Its now September 13th and I'm in Homewood, Illinois. Staying with Kate. Gonna be here til the 22nd, fromt here i fly to meet PAUL&ASH and im SOOO fucking excited!!!
the week or so since i updated has been pretty fun filled!!
Went to every museum imaginable In DC, Smithsonian Natural History, Smithsonian American History,Smithsonian Native American History, Freer Gallery, National Gallery Of Modern Art, as well as the Lincoln Memorial & The Washington Monument. we managed to spend not a lot of money which always makes me happy! stayed pretty chill in DC cos the days were pretty full on and a lot of walking. Next up was NYC again from the 9-12th, we made the most of it and went out every night. First night we went on a pub crawl with the Hostel we were staying at, whcih was on west 106th street, the upper west side, was pretty sweet all local bars within walking distance & pretty good prices as well!
The next day I met up with Peter O and we hung out, i did a little indulging which i dont do often, bought myself a couple thing arounf times square/5th avenue. Ha i wish i could have afforded to buy some good stuff but alas.. i spend $50 hahaha.
That night me and cat were suppose to meet up with Frannie in Brooklyn was she worked all day so we went out alone, we checked out a couple places that were pretty freaking sweet. I need to live in Brooklyn as soon as i can, this place is amazing, this place is me, this place is perfect for me. I just wish it was closer.. actually no i dont, cos that would mean i wold have no excuse to live in america! hahaha. I love NY a whole lot more than i did that first time around, it gave me a chance to explore. I got all the touristy stuff out of the way, and it allowed me to look at the city in a way that people who live there do. The everyday grind, but at the same time its so amazing.

The next day i went and checked out the Rock and Roll hall of fame exhibit @ the annex in SoHo. It's awesome, i love going to see things like that because I asm genuinely interested, i can go to a museum, and be interested, but if im bored i won't make myself walk around. This sort of thing, i wanna see it all, i wanna read it all. i wanna listen to it all. They had these sweet tour guide devices, that changed when you changed exhibits. We saw the history of Rock & rolls and saw personal belongings from people like Madonna, Elvis, Michael Jackson, Johnny Cash, Prince & the list goes on. I was impressed. It also featured The NYC years of John Lennon, many fantastic photos taken my Bob Bruen who was a fantastic music photographer and John & Yoko personal photography for all that they did... Yoko had put that part of the exhibit together herself, original lyrics to songs he had written, belongings of theirs. There was a phone on the wall that said "IF THIS RINGS, PICK IT UP, IT WILL BE YOKO. IT REALLY WILL SO PICK IT UP" thats pretty freakin amazing to know that if u were to pick up that phone, you'd be talking to yoko ono. The last thing you're left with in the exhibit is the clothes john lennon was wearing when he was killed, in the original paper bag that was handed to yoko more than 25 years ago. It was a lot to take in, and it prompted her to run a campaign for stricter guns laws in the USA, there was a petition to sign. John and yoko were definetly made for eachother, i guess that exhibit proved that, sometimes there might only one person who really gets you. And for John & Yojo that was one another.
We went to a lot of places that day as well, we went to the Chelsea Hotel, which is the hotel in Chelsea (funnily enough) that Sid Vicious stabbed and killed his wife nancy in.. we were wondering how many people would go in every day and ask to see the room. Also Bob Dylan lived there with his wife when they had their first child. We visited a place called Bleecker Bob's Records on 3rd st, which is a beat up on record store where people like Blondie and the New York Dolls worked before they became famous. The Bitter end was a bar we also visited which was place, where Bob Dylan & Janis Joplin would often play at, on a mellow week night. New York hold such amazing history for things i hold close to me, and i feel so lucky to be able to go and visit it and feel the history within the walls of CBGB's and be able to see the amazing photos of people who paved the way for my idols.

Last stop before going out was New York Museum Of Modern art, free entry after 5:30pm, the weather was miserable and there were herds of people in there with soaked hair & dripping umbrellas. There were so many Picasso's & Matisse's & some Van Gogh's & come Lichtenstein's, and so much more. I'm kinda proud of myself for getting to know artists and recognising their styling and enjoying it a lot more as well.

We headed to Webster hall, the biggest night club in NYC, which has something for everyone, including $1 vodkas, something for everyone! We got drunk quickly & Cat & Frannie picked up boys who were friends, so i spent the rest of the night as the 5th wheel, or by myself. It was ok i was too drunk to really care.
We left at about 3:30 to make out way back to the upper west side, cos we had to pack up & leave to Chicago. Yesterday was a long day of trains then trains then planes then trains and some more trains. Chilling out here will do us some good, and kate has TiVo, and it makes me so very very happy bcos it means i get to catch up on episodes of the Jonas Brothers show i hadn't seen yet hahahaha. yay.

I think im good for a while now. Try and update once i do something interesting!

mishhhhhhhhhhhhx