So I thought I'd update this thing once more before i went home, because I'm almost certain I won't do it for long time.

Today was amazing, we went to this beach called Piha, about an hour or so away from where we are staying at Nik's. It was an amazing drive, I'm so glad I live so close to such amazing things, we went to a beautiful place called Titirangi, a little town with a cafe that had delicious coffee, picturesque views from the long and winding road which took us to Piha. We stopped off at a visitors center which allowed us to see above the Waitakere Ranges, such dense forest nothing like I have ever seen in my life.
It made me want to stay in Auckland but also made me feel bad for not enjoying my time here this time last.
Piha is gorgeous. Nothing there except for a surf life saving club, and a little store which sold sodas and stuff. Total beach mentality, surfers there waiting for the perfect wave, it made me want to throw all my cares away and live the easy life.
It was rainy and then sunny and then muggy and the weather couldn't make up its mind, but it didn't matter because the drive so lovely.

We came back babes came to hang out, and John came over shortly after, he made the effort to clear things up with us, as we were quite uncertain as to where he was at since he moved back, I didn't get to see him as much as a liked, but now that he's made an effort to help us understand what he was going through once he moved back, I feel like i'm going to get more of an opportunity to miss him rather than just resent things has hasn't done since he's come home.

Our flight is at 6:30am, and I am sad to leave, as we've all become such better friends with Jono because he pretty much has been hanging out with us for the last week, he's been a friend to us that maybe others should have been. He's showed us a hospitality and generosity that we really couldn't have asked for, he has amazing parents, we went over for dinner one night and they're such lovely people, with such an open mind, with open ears and willingness to know you and learn about you and what is important to you, I can see why he is the way he is.

In the last week, I've been able to get over my issues and had an AMAZING time, I've got some pretty amazing people in my life, who are able to help me, and we're able to help each other get through hard points in our lives.

Nana Charl passed away 2 days ago, her passing away has really impacted me, in the fact that she was such a strong woman who brought her family to Australia for a better life, she has created such a loving family around her and it has shown in her time of need. They will be there for each other to appreciate the life she created here, and get each other through it.

But for now i need to go home, and concentrate on getting back to the states.
xx

I haven't written in this thing for about 6 months, mainly cos I'm lazy. I'm in New Zealand at the moment with Ash and Erryn, Been spending a lot of time Babes B & Cam.
It strange how our minds work huh? A part of my personality that I didn't even know existed has come out in this trip that i absolutely HATE. A part of me that I wasn't even a aware of, I thought I was able to deal with my self loathing in a way that it only effected me, apparently thats not true at all, you'll be delighted to hear that I am now able to project my hatred and self loathing for myself onto other people as well, alienate my friends and make myself have a miserable time in the process.

This is a joint effort, i mean i didn't create this feeling for myself, it was there, and it just enveloped in my mind. And i made it worse.
I need to figure out WHY all i let my do is self sabotage myself. There is something inside me that needs to get me out of this self depracation, a punch in the face, a hug, or i NEED to change. I have so much growing to do this year, i need to become the person i want to be, because it is NEVER enough, for me or for anyone.

I've been hella camp sick lately, I feel kinda guilty on this trip also, just cos i know I have been sitting around spending my money and paying back my parents the money I owe them. I will get it done, this i know, because this is what I'm good at. I will save enough money so everyone is happy and i can do what i Love. Now I've returned home and know that I have no ambitions here, I need to figure out what they are, and where they are. So that I'm not 40 and going to Uni because i was never settled enough to do it when i was 20.

It's a hard place to be, I wish i was just happy with small things, repetitive menial things like most people, but at the same time im so thankful i have the mind i do, because there is so much out there to see and discover and fall in love with!

xx

So since being here, we haven't done an awful lot to be honest, so much sleeping and sitting around and watching TV, I feel like I'm suppose to feel bad cos I'm in another country and I don't wanna do anything, but I don't i worked my ass off to get here, then i worked my ass off for kids for 9 weeks! and I've been on the go being a tourist for the last almost month. I'm just too lazy to to wanna go be a tourist in Chicago, it's not like we've done nothing, we went into town one day, we to see billy talent on the 16th, which was pretty sweet, Louise got us tix and even though i don't like them all that much but the support bands were pretty sweet! and we got to go to the metro in Chicago which is a tidy little venue, a bit like the HiFi bar but smaller and not as hot hehe.

Then we were gonna go into town on the 17th, but i went and got my tattoo instead, yay! One of Matt's friends who's a tattooist in the next town over did it for me, I payed $200, which is what i paid for my feets tatts lol oops. I've wanted it for a long time! now i just have to get used to it being there! I feel like i should have thought it hurt more, but maybe i just have a high tolerance for pain? hahaha

Then last night we went to see the chicago white sox vs the kansas city royals, the sox lost 0-10, so it was fairly uneventful for the sox. We went back to Matt&Kristiana's after the game and hung out then headed home. That brings us up to date, going to a open mic night Matt is running tonight, so that should be good :) and probably going into town tomorrow.

I think another factor about being here is, I feel like I'm in some rut, I've been looking forward to Ash and Paul coming for SO freaking long and now that its only three days away I'm kinda over it and just want it to be here already... we were totally excited about it, now we're all just over them not being here yet!!...

I THINK IM DONE MOANING. BLOG Y'ALL SOON
mishhhhhhhhhhhx

So Sept 5th was the last time i updated hey? Well in that time my laptop internet stopped working, yay for vista.

Its now September 13th and I'm in Homewood, Illinois. Staying with Kate. Gonna be here til the 22nd, fromt here i fly to meet PAUL&ASH and im SOOO fucking excited!!!
the week or so since i updated has been pretty fun filled!!
Went to every museum imaginable In DC, Smithsonian Natural History, Smithsonian American History,Smithsonian Native American History, Freer Gallery, National Gallery Of Modern Art, as well as the Lincoln Memorial & The Washington Monument. we managed to spend not a lot of money which always makes me happy! stayed pretty chill in DC cos the days were pretty full on and a lot of walking. Next up was NYC again from the 9-12th, we made the most of it and went out every night. First night we went on a pub crawl with the Hostel we were staying at, whcih was on west 106th street, the upper west side, was pretty sweet all local bars within walking distance & pretty good prices as well!
The next day I met up with Peter O and we hung out, i did a little indulging which i dont do often, bought myself a couple thing arounf times square/5th avenue. Ha i wish i could have afforded to buy some good stuff but alas.. i spend $50 hahaha.
That night me and cat were suppose to meet up with Frannie in Brooklyn was she worked all day so we went out alone, we checked out a couple places that were pretty freaking sweet. I need to live in Brooklyn as soon as i can, this place is amazing, this place is me, this place is perfect for me. I just wish it was closer.. actually no i dont, cos that would mean i wold have no excuse to live in america! hahaha. I love NY a whole lot more than i did that first time around, it gave me a chance to explore. I got all the touristy stuff out of the way, and it allowed me to look at the city in a way that people who live there do. The everyday grind, but at the same time its so amazing.

The next day i went and checked out the Rock and Roll hall of fame exhibit @ the annex in SoHo. It's awesome, i love going to see things like that because I asm genuinely interested, i can go to a museum, and be interested, but if im bored i won't make myself walk around. This sort of thing, i wanna see it all, i wanna read it all. i wanna listen to it all. They had these sweet tour guide devices, that changed when you changed exhibits. We saw the history of Rock & rolls and saw personal belongings from people like Madonna, Elvis, Michael Jackson, Johnny Cash, Prince & the list goes on. I was impressed. It also featured The NYC years of John Lennon, many fantastic photos taken my Bob Bruen who was a fantastic music photographer and John & Yoko personal photography for all that they did... Yoko had put that part of the exhibit together herself, original lyrics to songs he had written, belongings of theirs. There was a phone on the wall that said "IF THIS RINGS, PICK IT UP, IT WILL BE YOKO. IT REALLY WILL SO PICK IT UP" thats pretty freakin amazing to know that if u were to pick up that phone, you'd be talking to yoko ono. The last thing you're left with in the exhibit is the clothes john lennon was wearing when he was killed, in the original paper bag that was handed to yoko more than 25 years ago. It was a lot to take in, and it prompted her to run a campaign for stricter guns laws in the USA, there was a petition to sign. John and yoko were definetly made for eachother, i guess that exhibit proved that, sometimes there might only one person who really gets you. And for John & Yojo that was one another.
We went to a lot of places that day as well, we went to the Chelsea Hotel, which is the hotel in Chelsea (funnily enough) that Sid Vicious stabbed and killed his wife nancy in.. we were wondering how many people would go in every day and ask to see the room. Also Bob Dylan lived there with his wife when they had their first child. We visited a place called Bleecker Bob's Records on 3rd st, which is a beat up on record store where people like Blondie and the New York Dolls worked before they became famous. The Bitter end was a bar we also visited which was place, where Bob Dylan & Janis Joplin would often play at, on a mellow week night. New York hold such amazing history for things i hold close to me, and i feel so lucky to be able to go and visit it and feel the history within the walls of CBGB's and be able to see the amazing photos of people who paved the way for my idols.

Last stop before going out was New York Museum Of Modern art, free entry after 5:30pm, the weather was miserable and there were herds of people in there with soaked hair & dripping umbrellas. There were so many Picasso's & Matisse's & some Van Gogh's & come Lichtenstein's, and so much more. I'm kinda proud of myself for getting to know artists and recognising their styling and enjoying it a lot more as well.

We headed to Webster hall, the biggest night club in NYC, which has something for everyone, including $1 vodkas, something for everyone! We got drunk quickly & Cat & Frannie picked up boys who were friends, so i spent the rest of the night as the 5th wheel, or by myself. It was ok i was too drunk to really care.
We left at about 3:30 to make out way back to the upper west side, cos we had to pack up & leave to Chicago. Yesterday was a long day of trains then trains then planes then trains and some more trains. Chilling out here will do us some good, and kate has TiVo, and it makes me so very very happy bcos it means i get to catch up on episodes of the Jonas Brothers show i hadn't seen yet hahahaha. yay.

I think im good for a while now. Try and update once i do something interesting!

mishhhhhhhhhhhhx

Provincetown was was nowhere near what i thought it would be, i went to the cape on my adventures last year and thought it would be somewhat like that. Boy was I wrong, it was pretty much socially unacceptable to be straight there and i loved it. Quite clearly a pretty sweet party town, with rainbows alll over the place. Really nice streets and cute little shops, a few x rated shops that were so nicely decked out that you didnt realise until you had 100 vibrators in your face hahaha.
It was sick to get to chill with Jaryd for the day, Cat came too which was sweet, but I'm glad i got to see him again before i left cos he made so much of my summer that i would have been sad if i hadnt have gotten to see him. Got to see jessie too she met up with us later, it was brief yet triumphant and everyone survived the experience hahaha.
The last fews days have been a whirlwind of lugging bags around foriegn large cities. Went from a hotel room where Cat and I got a Queen each, to a hostel on Broadway that had 8 girls sleeping in a room smaller than the hotel we had on the cape. Luckily it was only for a night and we left early the nexy day to get our bus to DC.
So that's where i currently am, Washington DC, hung out with Charchar last night which was amazing, I fucking missed that girl, out power went out in the hostel for like 4 hours its was kind've rediculous. All the museums are free here, which is awesome cos its the place to come for all that stuff. We checked out the Smithsonian museum of Natural history today as well as the national museum of American History and they were both pretty sweet, looking forward to checking out the washington monument, the Capitol and so many more things!

ok. il all out. xoxox.

sailing the east coast..

Date Check: September 3rd.
Days since camp ended: 10
Days been away from home: 77
Days til I go home: 75
Days til I see Kristiana & Kate: 10
Days til I see Paul and Ash: 20
Days til I See Louise: 50
Days til I see my amazing Mother: 77

Camp is over, and it's like we're all in mourning, it's so strange, we all keep talking about being socially acceptable
because we forgot how to. I think i have the hang of it now and now i've just become a foreign backpacker.

I spent 5 days in Boston after camp, was alone for it all got to hang out with Jenn, but didn't see anyone else from camp which made me sad.
Made friends easily enough @ the hostel as there were a lot of people coming from camps there and hostels are just great places to meet people in general.
Went to some jazz bars which I can say ive now done and throroughly enjoyed. Boston is the kind of place that I don't like as a tourist, but its definetely
somewhere I could live, i stayed in the back bay, and it's a cool area lotsa musicians and interesting looking people around.

I was spose to go hang with James for the weekend in Worcester but that full through so i decided to go meet up with Cat early and go to NYC for the weekend.
Worked out well, went to a sick place called Webster hall, cheap entry, cheap drinks, bands and SWEEEET indie/electro. Got so very drunk and by the time we got back
to our hostels it was 4am, the subway is a bitch even at 2:30am. THe place reminded me of home, like if i weren't to step outside i could easily have been at a bar or something
back in Melbourne town. Going to such large cities makes me realise how fucking lucky I am to live in such asn amazing place such as melbourne.
It's not unlivable in anyway, the city, while busy, is bearable, not a lot of congestion. SO SO Much culture, the right amount of multiculturalism,
the right attitude, something for everyone, sports, music, theatre, restaurants/bars. And im so glad i can get the same thing from NYC as i can from the city i call home.

I met up with Frannie, who's living in Brooklyn, and it's my favourite part of NYC, the right amount happenings for me, we just sat in a park and chilled for a few hours,
i love it to just be able to chill out! Mischa Barton even made an appearance down the street!

I'm in Plymouth at the moment, the place where the Mayflower first hit america and the english took over, pretty crazy. Going up to Provincetown with Jessie & Jaryd & Cat tomorrow,
which I'm looking forward to.
I can't wait to see Ash and Paul, its going to be amazinggggggggggg.

you know you love me xoxo

I seriously can't fathom how the whole camp america process, filling out all the form, paying all the fees, getting references etc, has brought me to this amazing place.. everything i did leading up to it, i would never in a thousand years thought this is the time i'd be having, the friendships ive made, the AMAZING life changing experience this has been. And i NEVER thought i would this this sad knowing i have to leave.